*What’s the Issue?
And if you’re not feeling like that and you just want a few tips, then I am more than happy to help! But if you are feeling anything of what I depicted above, girl we’ve got some serious work to do.
Before we can jump into strategies, which I’ll link a special invite for you at the end, you need to be able to understand why this is happening in the first place. Is it your child’s fault? Is it your fault? Is this how parenting is? Or all of the above?
I’m here to say that nothing here is meant to cause guilt or blame. I know you are doing everything you can and that is already amazing in itself. But if I can help you understand why certain situations are happening, that will create a jumping off point for you in remedying them the best way you feel comfortable with. Let’s take a look.
*Do You Have Boundaries?
This is the first thing I ask all my families at the preschool, all the individual parents I work with, and the number one thing I push for in all environments and on all platforms.
Boundaries are the sole thing that will create a positive jumping off point for your relationships with your child, spouse, relatives, …everyone. Let me say that again, boundaries create POSITIVE relationships.
If you are lacking in healthy boundaries or don’t understand why you need boundaries to create healthy relationships, that’s issue # 1. Healthy boundaries teach yourself and your child what positive communication you respond to. This should be the same in your house and everywhere else.
Here it is another way, if there are no boundaries about how your child is supposed to respond to your directions, then why would you expect them to listen to you? They don’t care. They know you’ll end up doing what you asked them to do anyway right?
My boundary is, if I ask you to do something.. you do it. If you do not do it, then I cannot be with you right now because you’re not respecting me. That is a hard boundary I keep with all the kiddos. There is no exception. And the more consistent I am with that, the quicker they learn, which leads into question 2.
*Do You Have a Routine?
This is very important. It’s okay if you don’t. But, kids learn better with repetition, practice, and consistency. Simply because you asked them to do something once, or showed them how to do something once, doesn’t mean they will be able to replicate it every time. They need practice and consistency. This is key!
So do you have a routine? If you don’t, you need to put one into action right away. Something important to note though is that when you are working on teaching new boundaries and a new routine, your kids will give push back behaviors first. That’s okay and completely typical. When trying to remedy behaviors, such as your child not listening to you, it will be difficult simply because they’re used to getting their way. It will take practice to show them that you’re not giving in anymore. They will push back, and that’s okay. You remain consistent so they learn you are in control, and they need to listen to you. Over time it will happen.
Be consistent.
*Do You Have Positive Listening Models at Home?
Next, it’s important to have the other members in your household be on the same page with you. They need to practice your new boundaries and routine as well. It’s not enough that you’re just trying to teach your little ones how to listen better. They need to see that this is being practiced with everyone else in your house or it can cause confusion. Visual aids and models are huge supports for children. So the more models they see in your house of positive listening, the more they will practice it as well.
Also just as a side note, everyone should have positive listening skills in your house. It is a sign of respect and consideration. Everyone from your preschooler, to your teenager, to your spouse should be able to listen to you without hesitance. If this is a bigger problem than just your preschooler or toddler, well we’ll address that below.
But for now the more models of positive listening the better. You cannot expect your child to listen if your teenager is not listening. You cannot expect your teenager to listen if your spouse walks away in the middle of a conversation. That’s not okay. Again, set those boundaries in place Mama! You got this!
*Do You Need More Tips and Support?
If there is anything my preschool families, mamas and papas, have been asking me non stop is how to get their kids to listen to them like we do in school. And I promise you it is not that hard. We use my tried and true 4 step method. That’s it! But with practice and consistency, like we talked about, you’ll get their with your kids too.
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And as always, If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share them in the comments section below with your fellow parents! And definitely subscribe to the newsletter for updates and ongoing happenings at TylekTeaches.com. The subscription link is just on the right hand side of this post. See you there!
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