Boundaries can be a funny thing for sure. It’s something you definitely don’t want as a child, but something you wish you had more of as an adult. When you’re a kid, you want all the freedom without the rules. You want to be able to run about, use all your toys without cleaning up, no bedtime, and all the tv.
But as an adult, you only wish you can go to sleep earlier but you have that work deadline. Or you wish you can say no to that request, but you have to because it’s family.
Boundaries can be a fickle friend. But they are a necessity in life.
The topic of ‘Having boundaries’ is ongoing within our preschool every single week, month, and year. It’s something we chat about all the time with parents and something we as a staff, train on multiple times annually as well.
Boundaries can be tricky though. If not put in place at the right time, you can find yourself having to rewind present challenging behaviors to try and teach the boundaries you want to instill.
So if you’re looking for some quick tips for teaching your child boundaries, this is the post for you!
1. Prep for Boundary Introduction
So first things first.. when you’re trying to implement new boundaries, and actually make them stick, you need to provide your child with an introductory period.
Think about it this way, if you’re having to follow a new schedule, new rule, or new habit, all of which can fall under the umbrella topic of a new boundary, you need to make yourself ready for that. Let’s dive a little deeper.
Your boss is making you come into work half an hour earlier because they have a new boundary that they don’t want employees working too late. Positive in it’s conception, but now you have to get your butt up half an hour earlier as well. So, you start practicing waking up earlier and earlier until you reach that benchmark where your new routine becomes comfortable.
The same thing goes for your child. You can not introduce a new boundary such as a TV limitation without talking to them about it first too. If you do… hello backlash city!
I promise you they will push back even more because you just threw a new rule at them without discussing why its happening or when it’s starting.
And you can’t do this all willy nilly.
You need to take the time to help your child understand why this new positive boundary needs to take place. Maybe they’re getting headaches more and you want them to feel healthier. Maybe they are losing focus too easily on real life tasks and you want to strengthen their off screen focus.
There are so many reasons why TV time should have boundaries. But if you don’t communicate those to your child in a positive and calm manner, they won’t see what you’re trying to achieve. They’ll simply see you as trying to enforce a new rule, which of course, will never be fair to them.
So introduction is key. Make sure to talk about your new boundaries in a very positive and calm way. The conversation will follow the energy you give it. So the calmer you are, the calmer your child will respond. The more commanding you are, the more defensive they will be.
Simply speak to them how you would like to be spoken to and include them on change. Do not just force it upon them without having a discussion first.
If you can set it up this way, you’ll find less push back behavior wise. Now I didn’t say that there wouldn’t be any, but it will be less than normal for sure.
2. Prepare for Push Back
As I said above, there will be push back. You can set yourself up for less of it, but it will come in some form or shape. So let’s see what we can do to combat that shall we?
Firstly, you should already have a system in place, a routine if you will, for dealing with your child’s negative behaviors.
If you don’t just yet, don’t worry, the parenting course will set you up with the exact routine you need!! No ifs, ands, or buts. All the answers are there.
Okay, so back to this post….
Have your routine in place and get ready to use it to help calm your child down when they start to rebel against your new boundary expectation. The more consistent you are the shorter the tantrum will be.
Now I don’t mean it will be quieter. It can be loud and things may get thrown. But the more consistent you are with your routine for working through their tantrum, the quicker their resolve will be.
Put your head down, get your head in the game, conquer that tantrum.
If you take it head on a few times, your child will understand this new boundary is here to stay and will acclimate to it much faster.
I would prefer to take 2-3 tantrums head on and deal with them directly, versus 2-3 weeks of tantrums because I felt bad one day, or was too tired to deal with it another day.
That’s not how this works. Be consistent. Do not send your child mixed messages. It will only confuse them.
3. Provide Reinforcement- Make it fun!
A very easy way to make your child do anything you want, is literally to provide a reward after. This is what we call a reinforcement tactic in the preschool. This is all discussed in full, in the course to make it super easy to understand for you.
So, if you want your child to… for example, turn off the TV because TV time is up, having something for them to do after that that they like is ideal. If your child enjoys playing magnatiles, set that up after TV time. If it’s the end of the night and your child needs to get ready for bed, let them know that after TV time is done, it’s mommy and them time! This will get them really excited.
Basically, make them so excited about the next thing that turning off the TV is not a big deal anymore. And TV is of course synonymous with cleaning up their toys, putting on their jackets to go outside, etc.
Line up a reinforcement that connects with them directly after so they forget about the transition and just get excited about the next period.
If you do this, you’ll be sure to have a win and so will your child.
4. Rewards Chart Success!
The last tool that we keep in our arsenal for those extra special cases who need an extra boost of motivation is the forever favorite rewards chart! Basically the way this would be set up is to have a printable template you can easily access.
Do not fret! You can get your free downloadable through the subscription link right here. You can print one, or multiple! Rewards charts for everyone!
Or if you’re feeling creative, you can easily make one yourself!! But give it some visual appeal so your child feels excited to use it.
This is a very easy behavior modification support tool where your child feels like they’re working towards something versus just being told to turn off the TV. Now, if they get a sticker for their chart every time the turn off the TV within the first 10 seconds of being told, those stickers can add up to a special treat at the end of the week!!
This works surprisingly well, especially for those few cases where maybe the preceding event is quite attractive for them, and they are having a hard time moving on.
Some examples of rewards charts we’ve had the past were Frozen themed, paw patrol themed, and transformers themed. Honestly, whatever is sparking your child joy and can get them moving for you that much quicker is the key.
*Summary
Alright parents! There you have it! 4 quick and easy tips to get you successfully teaching your child boundaries! Hooray!
Is it going to be 100% smooth sailing the whole time? Of course not, no one likes new rules. That is by no means kid specific.
But if you put these 4 simple strategies into play, you’ll have a much easier time than parents who don’t.
They’re not hard and as soon as you do it once, it will fall into routine like you’ve been doing it whole time. But, as I’ve preached in so many other posts, consistency is key!!! You need to be consistent in these strategies and take on the harder challenges in the beginning to make yours and your child’s adjustment time shorter.
And as always, If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share them in the comments section below with your fellow parents! And definitely subscribe to the newsletter for updates and ongoing happenings at TylekTeaches.com. The subscription link is just on the right hand side of this post.
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