One of the biggest misconceptions preschool parents can have is that your child acts like an angel all day in preschool and can’t wait to unleash their venom on you at home.
Okay.. okay, maybe that’s a little too exaggerated but you get what I mean. They are behaving one way with their classmates, one way with their preschool teachers, and for some reason they just push those behavior boundaries a little bit more at home.
I’m hear to tell you… well you’re right!!
But it’s not what you think. I always tell my preschool parents that whatever we’re seeing in the classroom, you’re probably getting 10x more at home and this is true!
Why you ask?
Because your child’s home is their safe space. It’s their cozy corner, their nurturing nook. So they feel uber comfortable to push those behavior boundaries, to explore consequences, because they know you’ll still be there to catch them right? …. Sweet isn’t it.
But! That’s not to down play that when your child firs arrives to preschool, it is not all giggles and hugs. Again, whatever you are seeing at home, we are seeing in the classroom. Those push back disruptive behaviors you can’t get a grip on just yet… we practice all of that in preschool.
We have behavior management strategies, model skill building, initiate situational practices, all to help your child get on the right routine and page with their classmates. It’s not easy, and it takes patience and practice.
And… it’s something you can work on at home as well to help your child be a little more successful during those tougher moments. Say goodbye to parent anxiety (at least a little bit), and hello to positive boundaries and communication! Let’s crack on!
1.The Attention Seeking Defiance Monster
The number one disruptive behavior… the one at the very tip top of the pyramid for us in preschool, would be attention seeking behaviors. Now this is not to negate any other behaviors that appear in the preschool classroom, but the most popular vote goes to…. Attention seeking.
Why?
Children are very egocentric when they are young and not in a bad way. As they learn more about the world and their specific environments, they begin learning that there are other people and variables at play. All these different variables lead with other intentions and not everything revolves around them. But no one is born with this notion. This is learned, not innate.
So, when a toddler or preschooler begins learning that they cannot always get everything they ask for, or mommy’s schedule does not solely revolve around them (and mom’s it shouldn’t!), it gets a little tough.
And no place else does it show more, than their first preschool experience where they go from interacting with a few people to having a class of 10-12 other friends. When you have a class, all the attention must be shared.
So… how can this be shown?
At this age, children are still learning to communicate verbally. They may not have the words yet or even the utterances to express their big emotions. However, this does not mean that they don’t feel them. They may kick, scream, shout. They could grab toys from a peer, hit a teacher, the works.
And I’m telling you, this all does happen. And it’s okay! We learn! We move on.
To help soothe a child who is learning to cope with attention allocation, we first want to make sure that there are no other big changes going on that could be causing it. If there are, then we need to get to the root of that first and support the child while they move through this change.
However, if there is nothing of note going on and they are just learning to cope with others in their space.. well we simply follow the 4 step routine. We’ll go more into that at the end.
2. Aggressive Physical Expression; The Toddler Hit Back
Next is physical expression. We spoke a little about this before. But at this age group kids are still learning to express themselves appropriately and that’s okay. That comes with age and practice.
And please know that just because your child may not have the language yet, does not mean they cannot use physical communication to express themselves appropriately. This would look like a hug or a smile when they are happy. This is a high five when they feel proud. This is tears when they feel sad or perhaps crying when they are mad.
This gets a little tricky when, and again this is completely typical, your child begins being physically aggressive to express big emotions. Yes, this does happen at home. Yes, this does happen at preschool…. Until they learn.
So, what would the negative side of this behavior look like?
If a child is still learning to mediate big emotions they could scream and kick if something does not go their way. Maybe you told your child to clean up and they don’t want to, so they throw themselves on the floor. This is to get your attention by the way. And when you start walking away, they see you leaving, therefore taking away that attention they want, and they run over to you and start hitting or kicking you.
In the preschool classroom it could be when a child is asked to join circle time and they run away. Or maybe, they are asked to sit for a center and push their chair over in defiance because they want to go somewhere else. It could be when a child’s turn is over during show and share and they refuse to sit down and start shouting… it all happens :), and yes, it’s happened with your child as well.
Physical expression is healthy, on both sides. Meaning your child should be comfortable physically expressing themselves when they are happy as well as when they are not. The moments we need to watch for and teach around, is when that becomes inappropriate such as not meeting behavior standards or becoming unsafe.
But remember, as your child learns to move through this situations with scaffolding and support, and the more verbal language they take on, the more they will use that and move past the se physical meltdowns.
3. The Verbal Outburst
The next popular behavior that arises in preschool are the verbal outbursts. Now this stage will follow right after the physical meltdowns… like seriously, right after!
Your child is learning to speak. We all get so excited because now they’ll have words to communicate their wants and needs. Yay!
This gets a little tricky though. Language and speaking are like a super power to your child. Before they struggled to communicate exactly what they wanted, exactly how they felt, so they showed you through physical expression. Now they have the words… and they see you light up when using them.
But remember, they also have the words to tell you what they don’t want, what they don’t like. Your child has just made a huge step towards autonomy. They are exploring their own choice making and their confidence is growing with every single step.
Wondering what this looks like for your child in preschool?
Once they begin stringing their utterances together and using actual words, they will begin using it everywhere and I mean everywhere. And it’s amazing!! Ever wonder why your child asks “why” repeatedly? They are feeding off that communication attention and are using their language to keep that going. Remember it’s their super power, they are going to continue to feed off of it as much as possible.
But the other popular repetition is… “NO!”. For every yes, or follow of a direction your preschooler gives you, you are going to get at least 5 No’s and us too.
We hear no in the classroom all the time! And it’s a difficult one for sure. As much as we love hearing the kids learn decision making, assert themselves, gain that confidence, it’s not exactly appropriate in every situation. It’s a balance we have to dance around daily.
Your little one telling their friend “No more” is wonderful, telling a teacher “NO!” every time we have a bathroom transition… not the best.
But again, there are management strategies that we do in the classroom and you can practice at home as well. Praise for all the positive words is huge!! Give that positive attention to what you want them doing. Yes, this means answering their “why” questions.
Leaning away from the negative, especially when they are doing it to get your attention, is easier said than done, but helps teach communication boundaries. More to follow below.
4. Infant Regression
Lastly we have the preschool behavior we categorize as infant regression. This is definitely another popular behavior we see throughout the preschool year. Once a child has shown a decent bit of developmental growth, confidence work, skill building advancement, we will automatically set higher expectations for them. Let me explain.
If you’re potty training your child, once they’re potty trained, you expect them to use the potty. If you teach your child how to feed themselves with a fork and spoon, you expect them to feed themselves moving forward. This goes for the same in preschool and can actually be a little bit easier on us because all the kids are moving in this direction. And the peer modeling doesn’t hurt either :). You don’t want to be the only kid still being spoon fed at lunch you know what I mean?
But at some point, all these new Big Boy and Big Girl jobs can get tiring. This is especially true if they miss the attention they used to get when not doing it. In the classroom, we have our older students and our littles. If a very young student comes in and they are still learning all these things, they will have a lot more teacher support to help build up these skills. Sometimes an older student can see this and think they need to act the same way to receive that kind of attention. So what do they do? Present with infant regression.
This will be true for you at home if you have a second baby. You may see your older child regress in their skills, not because they can’t do it anymore, but because they see you providing more attention to your infant who simply is too young to do it on their own.
Basically, if you’re feeding baby, they want the same.
If you’re rocking baby, now they need to be rocked.
This is an actual quick solve though. Communication and redirection is key. In preschool we remind our olders that our littles still need help. We may even use them to help teach and reaffirm that Big Boy or Big Girl status to help them be confident again.
We also use our redirection tool all the time!!! This is key. Older students can do so much more than littles because they have higher skill development. So if we have an older student who is modeling skill regression, we remind them that they can play this game or that one, or they are going to have this important job because they can. Little ones can’t do the same.
But another key factor is that we work to balance our attention between all the students equally as much as possible. If all the kiddos are being supported emotionally then we can push forward. Of course you have those few outliers who will really just be sticks in the mud, but not to fret. Attention seeking behaviors without actual cause are dealt with similarly. We must get on with our day and classes, and they’ll eventually get bored and join their friends :).
*The Tips and Tricks That Will Help You at Home
Alright! Let’s review some quick tips and tricks we use daily in the classroom to help navigate these popular behaviors. And yes, your child has exhibited all of these at some point for all of us.
We have a very direct tactic that I created years ago and we follow religiously. It’s my proven, simple 4 step routine. We do practice this daily and so should you.
Now I am just going to outline the steps really quickly below so you can get an idea of what you need to do to get started asap.
Okay, let’s get into our quick tip listicle!
Step 1.Reminders and Redirection: Provide reminders before a tricky transition for your child, preempt that behavior. Redirect asap. Get them excited about the next activity coming so as to pull their attention away from what they do not want to do.
Step 2.Reminder and removal: Remind them again gently of your instruction and if they start having a tantrum remove yourself or them for a quick break. Sometimes a water break helps a lot. Or if they are showing defiant behavior, you need to give yourself a quick break so as not to provide that attention to them.
Step 3.Ignore their negative attention prompt: If they are looking for your attention through negative means, again like hitting and screaming, do your best not to give in. We want to provide attention for the positive, not the negative.
Step 4.Praise the calm down:When they are able to calm down offer all the praise immediately!! This is the positive behaviors we want to give them attention for. Yay they did it!
*Summary
Okay parents, there you have it! The 4 most popular behaviors your kiddos give us in preschool. Is it an end all be all? Absolutely not! Each of these little instances are learning points that we use to help them learn regulation, autonomy, social awareness, connection signals, communication standards, and more. Much much more.
I know it can get tricky and exhausting at home, and let me tell you… we feel the same too. But with patience and kindness, and really good behavior management planning (get on that course page mamas!), your child will move through their tantrum phases more smoothly.
And like I said, if you’re needing more support beyond these blog tips, my parent course, Get Your Kids To Listen! has launched. This is a self study course, so no pressure. This was literally created by myself and some fellow parents to easily acclimate into your schedule. To be done when you find the time. To learn in the easiest way you find comfortable. We discuss everything I’ve mentioned above and more! It’s time to make your house a home again. Let’s bring that peace back and get you and your kids communicated the right way. Get your kids to listen…now. You’ll be getting weekly lesson plans, ongoing discussion boards, and my own virtual support for all your 1:1 needs. <3
And as always, If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share them in the comments section below with your fellow parents! And definitely subscribe to the newsletter for updates and ongoing happenings at TylekTeaches.com. The subscription link is just on the right hand side of this post. See you there!
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