One of the most challenging times of the day will, without contest, include putting your kids to bed. The screaming that can occur, the constant need for more stories, more water, bathroom runs, continuous hugs, and if you’re one of the unlucky ones, the endless tears. It can be daunting to any parent, especially new ones. So why not win the night with your children by establishing a super successful evening routine? It’s time to create the structure that will leave all parties relaxed and ready for a good night’s rest.
*Why We Need Routines, and How They Help us!
I know an evening schedule or bedtime routine can sound unnecessary to some. After a long day of work, the last thing you want are more schedules, or more chores to do. It’s completely understandable, but an evening routine is really important.
Let’s approach it from a more relatable perspective.
As an adult, you work all day. Perhaps you have a job that requires you to be out of the house permitting you to only return in the evening ready to decompress. Or perhaps you work from home or work at home. The errands are endless; scheduling appointments, soccer games, playdates, and school pick ups. The duties can go on and on. Let’s think about what you do when you come home to help unwind from the day. Does your evening look something like this?
Sample 1: Your Evening Schedule..
You come home, put your bag down, and change into comfy home clothes (we all have them, no need for embarrassment here). Then you look forward to dinner with kids, perhaps pour yourself a glass of wine. After dinner, the kids go to bed and you spend the rest of your night cozying up to your spouse. By night time you fall soundly asleep after having relaxed the few hours after coming home.
BINGO! That’s your evening routine. And it is a routine whether you realized it or not because it is the same few actions that you follow each night to help you get ready for a peaceful and calm sleep.
Sample 2: Your Child’s Evening Schedule
Now let’s think about our kids. They too have quite a long day that exhausts them in many similar ways as it would you. Maybe they’re in school, or have classes all day or activities with the nanny. Therefore when they come home, they are truly just as tired. It is necessary that children be provided with the same opportunity for rest and relaxation as well. If it makes sense for you to have an evening routine for relaxation, wouldn’t you want to provide the same for your children?
They need their comfy clothes (a.k.a. pajamas), their dinner with their loved ones, and some snuggles before bed too. This will help them to calm down and relax as well. It’s a process that takes times just as it does for you. It would be foolish to think that children (who thrive in well managed environments on a daily basis) just throw caution to the wind and are permitted to do whatever they want when they arrive home. Toddlers, preschoolers, and other young children are incapable of regulating their energy and choosing appropriate self soothing activities that would lead to a calmer personal state.
That is the parent’s job. So let’s do it! It is considerate if we as parents are able to provide them with that because they are too young to manage it independently. We can all see that with any 2yr tantrum we have witnessed.
*Examples of Routines in Daily Life
Just in case you need a few more examples of how routines create success not only for adults but children as well, just look at these basic schedules we attend to on a daily basis: morning alarm wake up times, school schedules, work schedules, the 3pm coffee break! Routines help us get through the day by knowing what comes next. It gives permission to our brains to focus on other more important items rather then always predicting our time schedule. It is the same for children.
Also, if you haven’t read my other posts on the importance of daily routines and creating morning routines, I will link them for you here. #Create Daily Routines for Your Toddler #The Best Morning Routine for Your Preschooler!
Now that we understand why it is necessary for children to have calm down time in the evening, we must create a routine that really optimizes the evening hours for this while simultaneously accomplishing all that needs to get done before bed time.
The following will be a basic run down of what an evening routine can look like. Again, remember, we are aiming for calm and structured activities that allow both parents and kids to relax. If it happens the same everyday, everyone knows what to expect, and there are no anxiety provoking situations.
Let’s take a look.
Step 1: Dinner Time
Dinner should be the first part of your child’s evening routine. This is post afternoon snack, post a little tv time or play time (whichever you prefer), and should signal the start of the calm down period. Dinner should be a smooth operation. It should remain positive, share stories, laugh, and be happy together. If you start with a difficult dinner time, that energy will follow through the rest of the evening routine and you don’t want that.
Step 2: Bath Time
I would always do a bath after dinner simply because children, especially toddlers and infants, can be quite messy eaters. They are still exploring foods, learning how to self feed, etc. So allow them to act their age and save yourself some aggravation by planning bath time for after.
Bath should also be a soothing experience. If your child is having difficulty you can try having them plan and run the bath with you. It is remarkable how much anxiety dissipates if the child is allowed to be part of the process.
Step 3: Brush Teeth
This should be quick and right after bath.
Step 4: Pajamas Time
It doesn’t really matter which order you do pajamas or brush teeth. However it is key to have all the washing done in the bathroom. Constantly changing rooms will escalate their energy when the focus is to calm them down before bed. If you allow your child to leave the bathroom to get their pajamas on, then do stories, then go back to brush their teeth, there is too much movement occurring. The focus must be on having a calming and soothing routine. Not too much moving around.
Step 5: Story Time
This is a crucial part in the evening routine for both children and actually adults as well. You will find that reading helps to soothe one’s own energy and can really lessen any anxiety. It creates an overall calming effect that makes you tired.
This is the same for children. Because toddlers and preschoolers are not independent readers yet, this step is assisted by you but yields the same effect!
But! One of the most important aspects of the evening story time is that it really allows for closeness between you and your child. This is a highly anticipated time for them that they crave, especially at the end of the day. It is a special time, so let it be just that. It is a wonderful way to end their day.
The important thing to remember however is not to do too many books. You should have a limit because if you do not, the reading will go on forever. Eventually you will end up asleep next to your preschooler :).
*Summary
If you are able to follow these simple steps, you will have created an ideal evening routine for your kids. But it also doesn’t have to be exact. This is simply to give you an idea of an option that will work. You can adapt it as needed to suit the needs of your family.
And it does not take that much time! So make sure to practice as much as possible. The more practice you have the easier it will get and your children will just start knowing what to expect. Because of that, there will be no more fighting, no more yelling, and no more anxiety.
But make sure to follow through. It is only when there are constant changes that children become anxious by the ongoing surprises. Remember, they feel just as much as you do and want to relax just as much as you do. So let’s do that for them.
As always, if you have any comments or ideas you’d like to share definitely leave them in the comments below. It’s always great to help your fellow parents!
Sarita Brosig says
Hi, the Rule the Night with This Ultimate Bedtime Routine for Your Little One!
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Amelie says
I am a single mother with three children all of them of preschool age so I know how important keeping organised. Before going to bed, we play in a warm bath with lavender foam and then read quiet fairy tales. We stopped using printable chores chart because they are constantly getting lost and not very convenient. We use the Manini app. Children know the evening routine and in the crib we note that we have taken a bath and lie reading. I felt much better. And I’m not nervous and it’s easy for children to become independent.
admin says
I love this! I think lavender foam in the bathtub is such a fantastic tip and the idea of quiet fairytales. I actually haven’t heard of the manini app bu am excited to check it out. Thanks for the tips!