2020 has definitely thrown all of us for a loop and if this year has taught us anything…anything at all, it’s how important stress management, self care, and emotional and mental health is.
Let’s be honest, we can all say how mental and emotional health is important but it really does take a back seat to everything else. And there’s a reason for that.
We live in such a fast paced world where we are born to work so that we can live.
We are conditioned to move beyond the things that do not ail us physically and therefore place mental and emotional well being to the side.
Enter 2020. This year has been one emotional rollercoaster after the next and it really has brought everyone’s mental status to the forefront, and it’s about time!
It shouldn’t take a pandemic to cause us to pay attention to the more invisible signs of unwell. But with the stay at home orders, quarantines, cancelled events, lack of familial and friend visits, it all has just gotten to be too much.
And there is one generation that has really suffered without the same understanding of how to cope…. the children. (Do I sound like a Unicef commercial yet? But seriously, this is important)
We are going to discuss all the new areas your child may be feeling this mental angst or depression, anxiety, what have you, and all the ways you can support them.
Let’s jump in!
*New Areas Causing Your Kids Anxiety, Depression, the Works!
The first thing you need to recognize is that your kids are experiencing the same added pressures you are. If you’re stressed, they’re stressed, let’s make that clear.
Now there are a few new areas that we should take into consideration that kids haven’t had to deal with before. These areas were developed with the rise of the pandemic and have a lot of stress and pressure intertwined with them. See below:
1A. Handling Stay At Home Orders
Never before have kids been required to remain within their homes for extended periods on end. Adults haven’t either, but again, this is why I say a lot of the kids pressures will mimic that of adults. More so, this is the time that your child is starting to come into their own, develop their personality, make friends, and grow.
And all of a sudden, with one big swoop that has all been taking away from them. Now, just because we as adults know how crazy this virus is, how unsafe, and infectious it is, does not mean your child does. All they are hearing is you telling them they’re not allowed to see their friends. And to elementary and teenage kiddos, that makes up the largest portion of their current lives.
Trust me, meltdowns are on their way.
Peer relationships are a crucial part of their development. One that has pretty significantly been erased to a certain degree this year, and therefore their feelings are going to be substantially negative and rightfully so.
Let’s see how we can fix that.
1B. Ideas for Support
Continue the Conversation:
The first thing that needs to be done is talking to your child about what the stay at home orders mean and why we need to follow them. You will need to moderate the language you use depending on their age to make sure it is digestible to them. Meaning, you’re not having full blown convos with your preschooler about infection possibilities, covid cases on the rise etc. Make sure the material is comprehendible.
Next, invite all the questions they have. This is very important especially now because regulations are susceptible to change and have changed since the start of this. So it is important to communicate those things appropriately to your kids. If they have questions, try and answer them. If you don’t know the answer then let them know that as well and maybe do some googling to try and find it together.
You want to make sure that your child is just as much a part of the conversation as you are. Let them ask all the questions they want. If they have ideas then listen to them, this should be more of a discussion than anything else. This will provide them with a sense of equality and importance in the discussion and less of a sense of being lectured to.
Edit the Home Routine: Revamp and Revise!
The stay at home orders will definitely impact your home life. Everyone’s routines and schedules have been completely changed with quarantines, lack of school, and work from home positions. It’s important to take that into consideration when trying to support your kids. They are going to need a new routine to follow since their old routines have been erased.
This is one of the areas that will strongly support your child’s mental well being and truthfully yours as well. Schedules and routines lessen the decision making work we need to do throughout the day. For your kids it provides them with boundaries and expectations of what comes next. This is so important when working in environments where we don’t know what to do, such as this pandemic. But it does tell your child that they at least know what is happening at home, how their schedule will look, and what is expected from them. This will help take all the anxiety of the unknown away for them.
(Also, by having an established routine or schedule there will be fewer tantrums from your kiddos about what needs to get done because they already know whats happening for that day.)
For more on establishing a positive home structure you can check out this post here!
But for the purposes of supporting their mental well-being, definitely revise your home structure to include all the new pressures they are facing. Make sure it works for you and for them together.
Utilize Their Ideas: Make It a Team Effort!
The next area is a fun one that should be incorporated in every single household and that is including your kids activity ideas! This one can be so exciting!
Because we are all staying at home more, your child can help think of fun things you can still do together despite following the stay at home orders.
This will not only show them that you want to work with them on still having fun and allowing them to do certain things, but also that their voice and ideas matter. Remember, the more you allow them to be part of the decision and changes that need to be made, the less defiant they will be or the less unsupported they will feel. Of course, you being the parent will need to mitigate what is appropriate but discuss it with them.
Make your child as much a part of the discussion as possible. They need to feel heard, appreciated, and respected. This will lead them to feeling more supported.
Respect the Stay At Home Orders But Allow for Safe Socially Distanced Outdoor Activities:
It is very important to follow the orders and regulations that are here to keep us safe. However, one of the very important things to remember is that outdoor activities are very strongly recommended over any indoor gatherings.
So, while the weather is nice, try and get outside as much as possible! This will help alleviate some of your kids cabin fever and provide them with a little sense of freedom. Outdoor gatherings should still be socially distanced and these messages should be communicated to your kids. However, we will be having colder months soon if you’re here in NYC, and making the most of the warm weather outside is imperative.
This will also be another wonderful chance for you to take your kids ideas into consideration in terms of what they want to do outside. And this doesn’t have to be too over planned either. Anything from a picnic, a hike, bike riding in the neighborhood, some minor backyard playdates will all suffice and bring happiness to your kiddos.
They want to feel social and they don’t want to feel locked down in their houses, so provide them with the opportunity to do that if and when safe. They will feel much happier for it and the socialization, even if minor, will stimulate their mental health in a positive way.
2A. Managing Covid Regulations
The next area that kids are really struggling in is managing the new COVID regulations. Again, this is a time where their entire world has been flipped upside down as we just discussed above. And beyond that, we are being asked to implement an entirely new set of rules and regulations.
But what’s worse is that with every “I don’t know where my mask is”, “I don’t want to wash my hands again”, “I forgot my hand sanitizer” your anxiety and frustration as the parent goes up. You are just trying to keep them safe and they are either responding overtly casually and not showing the same care and understanding, or perhaps they are being a bit defiant towards you because of everything that is being pressed down on them.
It all goes into one huge melting pot of stress and frustration. You begin getting mad, which in turn will make them anxious or mad as well, and then before you know it the whole household is living with shouting and slammed doors.
How can we work around this?
2B. Ideas for Support
Check for Understanding:
Before you can ask your kids to do anything it’s very important to make sure they understand why. Gone are the days of saying “because I said so”. That is the opposite of the support we are looking to provide them. The more your child understands the less questioning or possible arguments will come of it.
Be sure to talk to them as much as they need. Again, use language that is digestible for them. Take your time and be patient. If you are asking them to do something it is only considerate to provide them with reasoning. We expect the same consideration as adults and we should provide the same for children.
Again, the more they feel a part of the discussion versus being talked to or lectured, the better.
Practice Hygiene Routines:
After you have had your discussions with your kids its important to practice anything new you are asking them to implement. Remember, they are children, so just telling them to do something once probably won’t stick. And it wouldn’t be fair if you got frustrated at them for that afterward.
There is a reason the saying goes “practice makes perfect”. You must practice something new not only to get better at it but for it to become a habit. Help your child build that habit through practice and modeling.
Remind Them “This Won’t be Forever, But Right Now is Necessary”:
It’s important to help teach your children perspective, and unfortunately that only comes with time. But what you can do as a parent is keep reminding them that times will get better. We won’t have these situations for the rest of their lives even though it may seem somewhat dire for them right now. Remind them of calmer and funner times. It was better before and it will get better again. The more you talk to them about it the calmer and more relieved they will feel.
But be consistent in your messaging. It is important that you maintain this attitude long term for them or they will begin doubting what you’re saying. If that occurs then all the support you were building up has been erased with that doubt.
Help Them Understand They are Helping to Protect Others:
The last recommendation I would make in this area is working with your kids in helping them understand that we are protecting each other as a community. Now this may not work all the time, but it doesn’t hurt to try. This is where some of those moral ethics come into play. Let them know that they are helping to keep others safe by following these protocols.
By doing this you are putting a lot of power and positive responsibility in them. This may help with the sometimes exhausting tasks of what is being called upon us to do right now.
3A. Remote Learning
The next area is one that has completely rocked all families this year, and that is remote learning. This form of virtual learning has actually been around for quite a while but never on the enforceable scale that it is this year. But with the pandemic closing down schools creating hybrid or all virtual programs was necessary.
However, this does not mean that it is beneficial for any and all students and any and all teachers. Not only does this require students and parents to have appropriate technology, but also strong wifi networks, and working knowledge of virtual learning classrooms.
In addition, it has been endlessly communicated by so many the negative effects screens can have on anyone, especially children. The effects can be quite immediate and long lasting. And now, we are forcing them to be on screen for hours on end. This will provide missed opportunities for hands on learning, which is key during their early childhood and elementary years. This will also create other forms of addictive, high intensity, and multi-sensory needs that wouldn’t have arose should they not be attached to their laptop, ipad, and tv screens all day long.
Lastly, with all due respect to all the educators trying to maneuver this time, myself and my teachers included, the teaching is just not the same. It’s just not.
The kids will never get the same result they would if they were in a classroom. They don’t receive the same teacher support or the same hands on learning as I already said. They’re education this year will unfortunately be somewhat haphazard unless you have the means to hire a private tutor or educator to help in person.
But then we also expect children to provide the same progress and results they’ve had in previous years, which is just unfair.
It’s just too much pressure for them working in a system that is in no way able to garner the same results.
3B. Ideas for Support:
Have a Screen Time Routine:
Okay, so this is really important as it will be one of the biggest battles this semester, and the way you manage it will be crucial for your kids understanding of screen time during this period.
The endless messaging of limiting screen time has only been increasing as more types of screens have been flooding our persons. The struggle will be how to require your kids to be on screen for extended hours per day to do homework and zoom class, but not be permitted to watch tv or play video games for too long.
And rightfully so! It doesn’t make sense to allow it one way or the other if the effect is negative in it’s nature anyway. Because of remote learning, the screen time fight will become front and center this year.
So let’s tackle it in the most supportive way possible and the way to do that is through the use of routines again. (Can you tell routines make me happy :)).
Above we discussed how children rely on routines because it helps them follow appropriate boundaries and know what to expect. The same reasoning applies here as well. If you set a routine for appropriate screen time then your child will know when they are permitted to use it, for how long, and for what.
This will in turn lessen the amount of defiance as the routine becomes a daily habit.
But the other thing to remember is that again, you should create the routine with your child. If they have a say in when they are allowed to have free screen time and what that incorporates, then when that event takes place or when that time is over there should be little to no push back.
The other thing I would consider as well is allowing that schedule to change if and when needed. It’s about balance and with the changing times there does need to be a bit of flexibility. You as the parent should make sure there isn’t too much screen usage but provide them with opportunities to create a positive and happy routine for themselves.
Create Adequate In Person Teacher Support:
Another area of remote learning your child will be struggling with is adequate teacher support during their zoom class or while working on their assignments. As much as we hope that online learning will supplement actual in person classes, it’s not the same and the difference in teaching technique is vast. Kids learn from hands on practice and in person teaching. So in moments like these we still need to make that happen.
It’s very important to have a designated school time or teacher help for your child. Again, the hands on education will need to continue at home even though the teacher is speaking through the screen. That’s where we need to step in.
By having a designated school time that you directly participate in, you will be able to provide that 1:1 support in making sure they’re not only getting their work done but also learning. However, please know that this does not mean trying to teach them or keep them focused while you’re working on your own items next to them. Your child needs undivided attention to really get through these assignments.
Another option is to hire a tutor or join a pod, which many parents have done this year. A pod is basically a group of students who work together in a specific location with an actual in person teacher. This teacher helps them with their remote learning and online assignments. Again, the learning is much more doable with in person help, 1:1 focus and tutoring, and will in turn lessen their anxiety about school as well as yours.
If you want to support your child in their learning this year there must be focused in person help.
Set the Boundary to Finish All School Work Prior to Free-Time:
This is a great objective to have and again will help with managing remote learning during this time. Boundaries are extremely important regardless but with all the changes kids have had to deal with this year they are more important than ever.
If you set the precedence that your child needs to finish their work prior to beginning any extracurricular activities then it takes away from possible fights later on. For example, if your child takes breaks in the middle of the day for 2-3 hours to watch tv, hang out, etc, and then at 7:30pm tells you that they haven’t finished their online assignments, an argument may ensue.
But if the boundary is there in the beginning that all work gets done by a certain time, your evening is free, your child’s evening is free and everyone can rest and recharge for the next day. There is no anxiety or frustration that something hasn’t gotten done and your child again, will learn to make it a routine, which will pull them away from constantly pushing back on it.
Run Their Remote Learning School Day As Close to a Normal Day As Possible:
The next thing that will definitely help support your child in their remote learning is mimicking their school day at home as close as possible to their actual in person school day.
Not only does this provide you with an already established routine that you do not have to create, but your child is already familiar with it as well. Basically your child does not have to learn an entirely new schedule, which is fantastic!! The less we are pressuring them to take on the better.
This will also help with making sure their work is done by the end of “their school day”, which covers the boundary suggested above. And by having their school day routine established by their existing teachers, it helps take the responsibility off of you for making sure their work is done within school hours. You’re just following suit! A win win!
Allow for Movement and Meal Breaks:
If you are following your child’s regular school day routine you know that your child receives breaks throughout the day. We all need breaks. This does not mean multiple hour breaks though. Just as discussed above, follow their school schedule and break for snack, lunch, and recess. Those are enough to get them through a school day in person and one at home as well. We follow the same schedule at the enrichment center and it is great.
Also, just a reminder that if your child has snack scheduled from 10:30-11:00am and they finish snack in ten minutes, still allow them the half hour break. Ten minutes is not long enough to recharge and will create a severed and sad transition for them. It will teach them to eat at a snails pace for fear of you taking their break away more than anything else.
Motivate them in the morning and talk to them after school every day:
This is one of my favorites!! Nothing will help support your child’s mental health more than some motivational and kind words from their parents. This is so important for really anything your child does and has a beautiful lasting effect.
So in areas that they are finding harder, such as getting through their remote learning day after day, a little morning encouragement can go a long way. And leaving it on a positive note, even if it wasn’t the best of days, is important to motivate them and let them know tomorrow will be better.
The power of your words is unmatched so take that and use it. Everything your child is going through right now is so difficult. Provide them with that boost in the morning and the some positive reflection or messages at the end of the day.
4A. Lack of Socialization
The last area of the four I am going to mention is one we discussed a bit above already, and that is the lack of socialization this year. Although this may not seem like the most important of the four, with regards to early childhood and childhood development, this area is key.
As I’ve mentioned the early childhood and childhood years are the formative periods where your child develops their character, personality, confidence, independence, and moral ethical behavior. A lot of this is done through the events they experience, the friendships they form, those they don’t as well, and more.
Now yes, covid has only been going on for just under a year but even losing a year can stunt their development in these areas. More so your child has the subconscious urge to grow in these areas accept quarantine rules is forcing them to subside that this year leading to more feelings of anger, frustration, and a lot of cases depression.
This is not to say, that we should not follow these health and safety regulations. But is is very important to understand where your child may be struggling so that we can address it as best as possible.
4B. Ideas for Support
Brainstorm Ideas Together:
There are ways around this socialization bust though and again, this is another wonderful place to include your child’s ideas on how they can still make this happen! Safe and socially distanced of course but fun none the less.
Sit together and brainstorm new lovely ideas for what they can do.
And! If something doesn’t work or just isn’t feasible don’t say no right away. You don’t want to discourage them especially in this area. They need to feel that you’re working with them so the language you use should be inquisitive and supportive.
For example if they want to have a group playdate at the pizza restaurant, you can say something along the lines of …
“That sounds like such fun! But remember that the restaurants can only have # of people so we’ll need to call. We can also maybe have some friends over and have pizza outside!! That way all your friends can have enough safe space”
Provide them with supportive language and options for new ideas that still incorporates their original ideas.
Provide Opportunities for Outdoor Play and Events:
This goes hand in hand with the suggestion above. Your child or kids may begin recommending ideas that could be indoor specific just out of habit. But it’s important to remind them that we can do so many fun things outdoors!
Right now outdoor activities are categorized as much safer so we should try and focus on that. Give them some easy reminders of the fun they can have outside. Then you’ll be able to say yes to so many more ideas your child has! That alone will make them feel happier and more supported.
Create a Socialization Schedule:
This is a fun visual aid that will help your child recognize what exciting events are coming up. In a time where we don’t know what’s happening when or what we’ll be able to do in the future, creating something like this for your child can be magical.
Firstly, visual aids are a magnificent tool for all kids because they are easier to understand.
Secondly, creating a visual schedule of all their fun things coming up is just a fun and positive reminder, especially when they may not be in the best of moods or having the best day.
It can also serve as a wonderful reinforcer for when they need a little extra motivation to get their tasks done.
Motivate Them to Keep Socializing:
There will be times during this semester and onwards that your child will become discouraged with the lack of socialization. They may get tired of picnics or hikes or just have those kinds of activities dwindle as the winter approaches.
You may also have a child who is actually quite shy and loving being at home. Either way, just as you did with remote learning, you need to motivate them to keep at it as much as is safe and appropriate. One of the biggest concerns this year is that kids will regress in their interpersonal skills, communication confidence, and overall personal growth because of this. We do not want to allow social anxiety to fester because of quarantine life, which it very well may.
Speak to your child about it. Remember you are their biggest supporter and they need to feel that. So when they are feeling down, discouraged, or lazy, step in and be that support.
*Sustainability of Methods
The last part that I want to discuss as a part of this epic novel of a blog post is how to create sustainable methods of mental health support for your kids.
In actuality we did just that!
Please understand that just because these recommendations are categorized under certain areas does not mean that they are finite in their abilities. You are able to revise and adapt them as need be! The new areas of struggle for your kids may be pandemic specific, but the methods of support are definitely not.
Continue to use them daily so that your kids know you are there for them all the time and in all ways.
*Summary
Alright parents!! We are done for now. I am so happy to have shared and discussed these ideas and suggestions with you. It’s just lovely to know that parents are caring more about their kids mental health and that mental and emotional wellness is coming to the forefront a bit more.
I would recommend adding all these practices to your day if you can. Your child will only better from it and honestly, any adult would as well. I am also attaching some final ideas down below that will keep the support going!!
More Methods of Support:
-Research fun and safe activities to do outside of the home
-create ongoing opportunities for safe and socially distanced hangouts
-Maintain consistent open discussions
-Let them lead for a bit
Reminder, these are not covid specific but will definitely help your kiddos deal with the current climate just a little bit more.
And as always, If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share them in the comments section below with your fellow parents! And definitely subscribe to the newsletter for updates and ongoing happenings at TylekTeaches.com. The subscription link is just at the bottom of this post.
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