Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs there is. You dedicate your time, patience, and love to to your kids. You plan your schedule only as it fits around theres. You feed them, clothe them, and keep them safe. You do all you can to make sure they’re cared for, content, happy, and comfortable.
But…. And yes there’s a few buts…. There are a couple things you’re doing that honestly, you really need to stop right now.
That’s right. We’re talking about all the parenting habits that you need to quit asap.
But, before we jump in… I want to provide you with this new parent motto.
Instead of thinking “what can you do more for your kids?”
… think about what you can do less. (No, this is not a post about minimalism.)
Children only really need those few items listed above from their parents. Whatever way you show that is up to you. But! Everything else on top of that is a special treat. So there should really be no push back when reducing the amount of extra items they are interacting with every day.
Now, if we’re looking at those extra items as special treats then remember, we don’t treat ourselves 24/7. It would be lovely, but we can’t and don’t. So there is no reason your child should expect the same either. It’s not about discipline or limiting their fun activities. It’s just about keeping your child balanced and developing appropriately without all the extra nonsense.
I promise this will be very beneficial for them in the long run. All children are inundated with so many material items and lack of boundaries that it can boggle the mind. So it’s your job as parents to really focus on the necessities that will help them learn and grow.
Alright, let’s look at the parenting habits you can quit now.
*Parenting Habit 1: Allowing too much screen time.
There is a reason that I started with this one first and it’s because this is the number one thing plaguing all current generations of children and adults as we speak. And with the addition of at home remote learning due to the Corona Virus pandemic, screen time has sky rocketed even more.
But if you’ve ever looked into the affects that this can have on both kids and adults, you’d know that it does more harm than good.
Screen time, especially for children in their early childhood years, is extremely overstimulating. A child’s brain simply put, is attacked by the enormous amount of stimuli entering their visual and aural receptors via TV, computers, phones, video games, etc. It wreaks havoc on the mind by causing your mental state to be in constant motion resolving all that is coming in, and drains all homeostatic processes while doing so.
Basically, you become an incapacitated couch potato.
And for younger kids it’s even worse. To capture their attention tv shows and videos include even more sensory displaying materials making their minds function at a roller coaster rate 24/7. We need to start getting away from that. The negative long term affects are compiling and they don’t go away. They only get worse.
So the first parenting habit you need to break…. Immediately…. Is screen time.
Now to work around remote learning, which many kiddos are doing right now, I would focus on that first. That should be what kids identify as screen time, and the rest of their day should be focused on in person activities, outdoor learning, gross motor fun, etc.
You don’t want them normalizing their routine to be in front of a screen (tv or computer) all day long. The headaches, the sensory and speech delays, possible ADHD, processing issues…none of it is worth it. Reduce the screen time asap.
*Parenting Habit 2: Saying yes to everything.
So this will coincide directly with quitting screen time above. It is very important that you stop saying yes to every request your child has, especially screen time. Of course you should say yes to the important things and the most meaningful. But saying yes to watching another tv show, going to a friends house, not finishing dinner, etc. is unnecessary. Again you should view it as a treat and you do not say yes to every treat your child asks for.
The benefit of this is that you will be able to temper your child’s needs and wants making your schedule and work load much more balanced. It’s also important to teach your child that not everything is a necessity and therefore not everything will be a yes. Some things are a yes and some things are a no.
It’s also quite evident who practices balanced requests at home versus who doesn’t. Just try a sharing activity and see who is able to do so without having a total meltdown.
So practice saying no with your child as well. Your child needs to hear no.
*Parenting Habit 3: Having a casual or non-existent home routine.
This is coming into play more than ever right now. With the recent changes in home life due to the pandemic, everyone’s routines have been flipped up side down. Your child’s included.
And if there is one thing that your child thrives on, it’s a routine. All children benefit from this because it helps establish a schedule for the day. It provides your kids with something to look forward to and what to count on.
Once you take that out and you lack any kind of home structure or routine, your kids will begin to show challenging behaviors. Why do you ask?
Because if you don’t let them know what to expect then why should they follow through with any request you ask of them? You cannot assume they will just respond positively because the next day it will change again.
Home routines help keep children in a comfortable schedule and accountable for the periods within their day. So if you find your child having more meltdowns it’s most likely because they don’t know what to expect or what is being expected of them. Therefore they are free-falling their behavior as they see fit.
Just imagine yourself as a 2, 3, or 4yr old not knowing about anything thats to come your way. You can see how that can be a little anxiety provoking even for an adult.
So provide that positive home routine for them. Help them with a consistent daily schedule. Help them learn what is expected, and practice it daily. Consistency is key.
*Parenting Habit 4: Not providing sufficient boundaries.
This follows habits 2 and 3 very closely. One of the most important parenting habits you must quit immediately, is not providing your child with the appropriate boundaries to get through their day.
Just as we discussed in the previous habit where your child needs to have a positive home routine and know what to expect out of their day, it is just as important to teach your child what you expect from them.
The only for you to teach your child this is by providing them with simple boundaries to base their behavior off of.
I specify 3 boundaries as the top most important and foundational ones to build on. These include:
1. Listening Ears
2. Gentle Voice
3. Gentle Body
The reason I always start with these three is because they form the base of what appropriate behavior is accepted as in real life. They also lead to stronger communication skills which is a child’s biggest struggle and the lack there of results in negative behaviors quite often.
Let’s break them down very quickly. “Listening ears” means you’re going to listen to what someone else is telling you. You don’t run away, you don’t shout. You just listen to the direction or the message your parent is giving you.
The next is gentle voice. This basically means that you will use a calm tone and communication approach to get your message across. You do not need to yell. In fact if your child does yell, then you simply walk away because they are not respecting the “gentle voice” boundary.
The last is “gentle body”. Now this is a huge one for toddlers and preschoolers. As they learn to navigate their world they are developmentally moving from mouthing, to touching, to verbally communicating. However, during that process a lot of physical behaviors can come about and that is completely natural. If a child is just learning to talk, they may not have the vocabulary they need just yet to express themselves and therefore may hit or grab or even bite. So the boundary of “gentle body” just means that your child will always be expected to keep a calm and gentle body (a.k.a no aggressive physical behaviors) throughout their day.
Once you master these three basic foundational boundaries, you’ll be able to build upon them for more advanced ones in the future. After all, expectations are always increasing and changing. But this is a good place to start.
*Summary
Okay parents, we are going to take a break right here and follow up with a Part 2 of more parenting habits you need to quit in the next post. And trust me these are some more habits you’ll be happy you stopped.
But for this post let’s just do a very quick roundup:
1. Quit the screen time. It’s doing your kids actual developmental damage and will showcase long term.
2.Stop saying yes to everything your child tells you. Life is not full of yes’ and your child will be in for a rude awakening once learning that. (Also you just don’t want your child to be the spoiled kid in class so get a hold on it quick.)
3. Quit lacking a home routine. Just as much as you follow a schedule, your child should as well. Make them feel comfortable, let them know what to expect in their day, and get that home routine in order, especially now.
4. Stop with the lack of boundaries. If you want your child to reach your expectations, it’s important you teach them that and the easiest way is through the use of simple everyday boundaries.
Also, don’t forget to access the other posts linked above. Each post breaks down in detail how to turn these habits right around!! They are a wealth of knowledge and are a simple way to get started on the right foot.
Look out for Part 2 of this post with more parenting habits to quit coming soon!
And as always, If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share them in the comments section below with your fellow parents! And definitely subscribe to the newsletter for updates and ongoing happenings at TylekTeaches.com. The subscription link is just at the bottom of this post.
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