So…if you’re reading this in April 2020, you know we’re about 3-4 weeks into our quarantine period as the nasty nasty Covid19 attacks our global population. And what does this mean for you? Well, we’re all going to be stuck at home for a long time. If you think the first 3 weeks were tough, wait till week 6 or 7.
But regardless of timing, these tips are still super relevant and necessary in dealing with any siblings relationship and making it the most prosperous ever. Trust me, you don’t want to be stuck at home while your kids, the “siblings”, are at each others throats.
So let’s fix that shall we!
Here are my 3 main tips for dealing with sibling relationships.
1.Treat Them As Individuals!
This is really key in making each child feel important, but more so that they really mean a lot to you. Of course we all know that parents don’t have a favorite child and everyone is treated the same and blah blah blah.
You can say that over and over. But you do realize that kids will be kids and it doesn’t really matter what you say. Do you know what works better? Showing them.
Make sure you don’t mix up their names. I know this seems silly and mistakes happen, and as a sibling myself I can tell you it gets quite frustrating at times. Especially if you’re at the age that everyone is fighting for mommy or daddy’s attention, calling them by the wrong name can lead to a huge meltdown. So try not to as often as possible.
Next, allow them to make independent decisions. They don’t always have to play together, they can choose their own clothes, and they can have different friends. Let them be individuals. They want to feel important as different people so let them.
Next, plan things according to their likes and dislikes. Obviously this one is easier said than done but this is what I mean. If you choose an activity that one child likes, make sure you let them know that next time they can choose an activity the other one likes. And flip back and forth. You cannot let them think that one of their choices outweighs the other or you’ll again be heading for a melt down. Keep it even.
2. Together Time
The next thing the kiddos will need to learn is how to spend time together. Yes, I said this needs to be learned. It’s not easy to be around people all the time. Think of it this way, sibling talk aside, can you handle being around your family 24/7?
That is really hard! It doesn’t matter if you can’t say it aloud, in your head you’re thinking the same.
So you need to teach your kids how to cohabitate, how to turn-take, how to communicate, and how to truly get a long.
The first thing you’re going to want to do is put in some really simple boundaries that they both understand and helps them regulate their behaviors.
Now if they know the rules of appropriate behavior, they will hopefully learn how to use those techniques not only with the parents but with each other as well. But it’s important that if they are going through a tough phase, that you step in and re-teach them how to play with one another, but more so communicate with one another. This will be key as they get older!
If one needs space, they need to be able to say that without hurting the other one’s feelings. If one wants to do something that the other isn’t to keen on, they will need to learn to compromise. It is up to you, the parent, to teach those appropriate cohabitation tools. No one is born knowing these things.
If you want them to get along, teach them how to get along.
3. Separate Time
Just as important as together time is, separate time is necessary as well. I mean can you be around someone at all times every single day? I don’t think so. Everyone needs to take a break here and there and there’s nothing wrong with that.
What is important in this step is that your kids don’t want just separate time from each, but they want to have separate hangouts with you too. Meaning, they want to do something special just you and them and not have a third wheel at every lunch, playdate, or playground run.
The number one thing that I see leading to sibling fights in early childhood and beyond is fighting for parent attention. The only way to ease that anxiety, discomfort, and jealousy is by providing them with some 1:1 time with you.
Personal time should be worked into each parent’s schedule. Seriously! I know everyone works, is running errands, is crazy busy, but would you rather add a very pleasant hang out with one of your kiddos to that or an all out sibling brawl or tantrum. Your choice.
By doing this it also shows your child that they really mean something to you. This is the part where showing them you love them and how important they are really shines through. But please be careful. Don’t always pick the same kid and your partner always have the other one. I know this sounds silly to even have to say but …this will show favoritism and won’t be that successful.
So make sure you’re experiences and playdates are varied and consistent.
*Summary
There you have it Parents! The 3 top tips, pretty simple and straight forward tips, to making sure your kids get along with each other and with you. Teach them, love them, and make them feel special. If you can do those things you’ll be well on your way to a happy household.
Also one last quick tip for this very unfortunate quarantine period, since we are stuck in the house, making a schedule for your kids activities and who picked what will be key. You have enough to worry about with working from home and parenting at the same time. You don’t want to be fighting with them about who chose the last activity. Make it easy on yourself and write it down. That way they can easily see who gets to pick the next thing and they have nothing to fight about anymore.
Alright parents, now it’s your turn to share your strategies for keeping a sane household with multiple kiddos.
And as always, If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share them in the comments section below with your fellow parents! And definitely subscribe to the newsletter for updates and ongoing happenings at TylekTeaches.com. The subscription link is just on the right hand side of this post. See you there!
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