Dropping off your child at their school can be one of the most daunting tasks there is. There are so many things to think about! Are they safe? Are they having fun? What if they don’t make friends?
The concerns swarming around your head can be countless. Now add the possibility of separation anxiety and it’s a whole other ball game. Even more, your personal anxiety can add to the stress on your child’s first day as well. Obviously not intentionally, but it can happen, let’s be honest. There are so many factors that interplay it only makes sense to try and prepare yourself as much as possible.
*Be Realistic About Separation
The first thing a parent should understand is that any new setting for a child, especially a child that already struggles to separate in other areas, is going to be unsettling for them. Though we all know that “Mommy and Daddy will come back”, that thought does not resonate with your child in the beginning.
The concept of being dropped off and picked up is completely novice. So when they are left for the first time they will experience anxiety and possibly a little fear. It is up to the parents and the teacher to make sure that the child feels safe, nurtured, and comfortable throughout their transition process.
*What Drops Offs Will Look Like for the First Few Days
It’s important to understand what your child’s first few drop offs will look like so that you yourself are prepared.
It is also equally important to keep realistic expectations on how your child will handle it and the behavioral responses they may display.
*Typical Behaviors
Most children will deal with separation anxiety in three main ways. Some may act more reserved and shy, some may cry and struggle to leave their parent, or some may even become physical. I say this not to intimidate, only to set expectations about what may occur because I have gone through it all with many students.
However, there are a number of things you can do to preempt the situation from happening in the first place and help create a happy and successful transition. So lets look at them!
*Strategies that Help!
Have the Conversation
One of the easiest and strongest things you can do is to simply begin talking to your child about their first day. By having this discussion consistently your child will begin to become acclimated to the idea of preschool. It is important to include in this discussion, the notion that you will be dropping them off, not spending the day with them there.
The idea is to lessen any unwanted surprises as much as possible, such as you leaving. If you can discuss it freely and your child knows that you are in fact leaving, it will ready them on the day of the actual drop off.
Visit the Site
Next, depending on the location and the level of your child’s needs (how attached to you they currently are), you can also visit the school site a few times. Take your discussion outside and walk by the environment he or she will be joining. Make them comfortable with their new surroundings. Maybe join their new class at the playground once or twice if it is permitted. Have them embrace their surroundings whole heartedly as much as possible before their actual first day. It simply allows them to dip their toe in before jumping head first.
Practice the Short Goodbye
Another important thing you can do is to implement the concept of short goodbyes and long hellos. What this means is that upon drop off, stay about 5-10 minutes and then exit. What creates the most amount of anxiety and stress in any child is the transition of their mom or dad leaving. The longer you stay in the classroom, the more prolonged the goodbye actually is, and the more anxiety they will feel. Therefore, it only makes sense to have this period be as short as possible.
As soon as you leave, the teacher should be working specifically with your child making them feel comforted and hopefully begin to have them interact with their classmates and activities.
Exaggerate Your Return
When returning, you will want to exaggerate your hello. Seriously. This will excite your child at their dismissal, provide them with much needed comfort and joy from you for completing their school day, and help teach your child that you will always return for them. By doing this day after day, they will begin to internalize the idea we spoke about in the beginning that “Mommy and Daddy will always come back!”.
*Prep Yourself for Parent Separation Anxiety
After you’ve done all your prep work for your child it’s time prep yourself! Sometimes it can be just as hard on parents as it is on the youngsters. Parents commonly feel just as much anxiety as their little ones do especially if you see your child in distress.
Therefore it is important to get yourself prepared for what is going to happen. And thinking realistically, your child will be fine. You chose the school with full confidence in their abilities to nurture your child and help them grow.
Believe in your decisions, and remember this when you begin feeling anxious.
**Side note: The more anxiety you bring into the situation, the more your child will feel that and respond similarly. So if you want to help regulate your child’s responses, enter the new environment in a calm serene manner.
*Summary
So there you have it! A little hand bag of tricks to help you and your little one tackle the monster that is separation anxiety. Remember, what you model for your child they will do. So keep cool as a cucumber and hopefully your child’s transition to school will be smoother than expected. And trust the teacher’s suggestions. They too will provide helpful ideas on what to do as they deal with this all the time. I will leave you with one last scenario, there is always the chance that you will drop off your child and they will run in ready to play. Those instances happen quite often as well, but only after the prep work has been done.
So deep breath and happy prepping!
And if you have anymore questions leave them in the comments below and we can answer them in a follow up post. I’d also love to know what strategies you have tried that worked! What did you find successful? Was it more important to prepare yourself? Or your preschooler? I’ll see you in the comments below!
[…] separation anxiety (if you haven’t you can link back to a previous post explaining everything HERE), but have you ever stopped to think that there might be a reverse effect that occurs for the […]